I relied on alcohol and drugs to manage challenging emotions both at work and in my personal life. When I decided to get sober, all those suppressed feelings resurfaced. Here's my journey of coping with them.
Amy Newman | Opinion contributor
For a long time, I relied on alcohol and various substances to cope with the pressures of work and feelings of burnout. Insights gained from recovery programs enabled me to achieve sobriety—not just from my addictions, but also from the skewed thoughts and emotional ups and downs I had attributed to the demands of my job.
If you refrain from drinking or using for a month, be prepared for emotions that you suppressed at the end of each workday to come flooding back when you're not under the influence.
You don’t need to consider yourself an addict to know that your drug of choice helped, at least temporarily, quell the pain of an annoying coworker and a demanding boss. Without the alcohol, social media, eating or gambling, you might feel reactive and irritable, or as bestselling author Brené Brown said, like “a turtle without a shell in a briar patch.”
You require a more effective approach – one that embraces sobriety in its fullest meaning, characterized by composure and rational thinking. The foundations of recovery programs are rooted in timeless virtues and aspects of character, and these principles can be embraced by anyone seeking harmony and tranquility in their life.
A core principle is acceptance. "The Serenity Prayer" encourages us to distinguish between what we can and can’t control. When we feel threatened at work, we might try to manipulate outcomes in our favor. For example, a manager prevents an ambitious employee's success by taking credit for his work or withholding information.
Yielding but not losing hope
I struggled with the word “surrender” when I started recovery, but now I see it not as passively giving up but as voluntarily giving in.
Surrendering is a conscious choice that requires courage, faith, and optimism. The manager recognizes that the employee may surpass her, ultimately showcasing her own effective leadership. Surrendering also involves embracing individuals for who they truly are. A client may continuously exhibit unreasonable behavior. By acknowledging her personal challenges, we then shift our focus to self-improvement: how can I adapt when she remains unchanged?
Surrendering doesn't mean withdrawing, as many TikTok users do when they claim to "not care anymore" and are "out of cares to give." This is merely another form of avoidance. They don't appear to be at ease, burdened with a heavy load of grievances that could easily lead someone to seek solace in a drink.
They resemble individuals in recovery from alcoholism who abstain from drinking but still engage in detrimental habits from their past.
You may find yourself with an extensive list of grievances regarding your job, a list that tends to grow even longer without a little relaxation at the end of the day.
In rehabilitation programs, individuals are encouraged to document their grievances and reflect on their contributions to each situation. We recognize that our own envy may have tainted a connection or that our hopes for a job advancement are overly ambitious, leading to feelings of letdown. With support, we address our personal flaws and, interestingly, find ourselves gaining more control as we discover ways to modify our behaviors and responses.
It requires both bravery and a sense of humility to navigate through this.
Connection stands in contrast to addiction.
Humility, which involves recognizing our place and being open to learning, can be especially challenging in the competitive and hierarchical environments of many organizations. When we approach our roles with a clear mind, we realize that our job titles do not define our worth; we neither see ourselves as superior nor inferior to others. Instead, we shift our attention away from personal ambitions and prioritize creating opportunities for our colleagues and supporting their growth in the workplace.
In the journey of recovery, helping others plays a crucial role in staying sober. At the workplace, we focus on how we can assist our colleagues, which helps to alleviate our personal fears and grievances.
Many recovery programs present a spiritual approach that is free from specific religious beliefs or doctrines. After a few months in recovery, I came to the realization that I had relied on my job as my higher power, using it to define my purpose, self-worth, and identity. This was not a sustainable or healthy lifestyle. Alternatively, we can cultivate spiritual awareness in the workplace by fostering a sense of connection with our colleagues or by recognizing how our contributions positively impact the lives of others.
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Recovery, beyond mere sobriety, is about connection, which is often termed "the opposite of addiction." Hands down, the best part of sobriety for me has been the community – having a group of people who “get me” and whom I can call and can call me in tough times.
The workplace has obvious limitations on relationships, but people around the country feel lonely and isolated whether sober or not. Work offers a place to practice new ways of being that could include seeing each other as the vulnerable, fallible people we are.
For certain individuals, completing Dry January means successfully staying sober for 31 days. However, for others, the experience might reveal even greater benefits: reduced feelings of resentment, stronger relationships, and perhaps a genuine sense of tranquility, alleviating the need to "unwind" with a drink each night after work.
